going public

Today, it happens.  I send an email out to our family and friends and give them the link to our blog.  They will (hopefully) visit and find out that Bob and I are dealing with infertility, and getting closer and closer to trying IVF. Instead of including a long message in the email, I am writing it here.

Some of you are not going to be surprised by anything you read here.  You've known since the first day we found out. 

Some of you know, but may be surprised by what I say here, becauase I filter my thoughts around you.

And, some of you may just be surprised becuase you had no idea. 

To those that already knew, thank you for what you've done to help and support Bob and me over the past year.  To those that are surprised by my thoughts, welcome to my life.  I made a promise to myself in starting this that this blog is for me first.  Writing has always been a way for me to feel better.  I'm doing this so I can understand myself better.  If reading it helps you understand me better too, then that's awesome.  If anything I have said or will say in the future offends you, then I hope we can move past it.  But I will not apoligize, because this is for me.

To those that are just now finding out, I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner.  It's not always an easy topic to bring up, and I have found out first hand that when someone asks how you are or when kids are coming, they don't expect an answer as heavy as infertility and IVF.  Sometimes, it's easier to just have normal conversations without it coming up.  It's easier to avoid the subject.  Someone told me that's because I'm not angry enough yet. I think people are afraid to talk about it.  It's not usually breakroom conversation, not a uplifting topic for a holiday family dinner, and a lot of times it makes other people in the room uncomfortable, which then makes me uncomfortable.  Just know this - you didn't not know because we didn't want you to.  Well, now you know.

This doesn't define who we are, but it is a huge part of our journey.  We want you to be a part of it with us.  It's not a secret.  You can talk about it with us.  Or, you can read this and never even tell me that you know.   

Like I said, this is for me.  It's letter after letter to myself.  It's my diary.  It's our story.  But I'll let you read it, if you want to.